Relationships are not collapsing; they are being stretched, pulled between what looks right and what feels right, and often, those two no longer line up. It’s like playdough, really.
But mixing the clay won’t necessarily shape what fits, so to speak.
Dating apps have changed how romantic or sexual connections start. It’s an environment where decisions are made in seconds and usually based on what the person’s picture in the profile looks like.
Relationship expert and sex educator Lisa Welsh said the design of these platforms leaves little room for anything else.
“Aesthetics dominate the first decision almost entirely,” she said. “The swipe format reduces a person to a handful of images and a brief description, which means appearance is often the only factor available in that moment.”
The sustained focus on appearance is now ramming into growing expectations from potential lovers or partners that are increasingly difficult to meet.
Carmen Murray, a netnographer and cultural forecaster, said expectations are no longer grounded in reality.
“There is this expectation now that women have to look like AI-generated images and people are not appreciating the real deal,” she said.
‘Women have to look like AI-generated images’
That pressure does not stay on the surface, Welsh said.
Instead, it filters into confidence, behaviour and how people approach dating altogether.
Murray agreed.
“It is going to impact self-confidence in how people are showing up, not just girls, but men as well,” Murray said. “It also has an impact on social anxiety, dating behind the scenes, swiping right, left, right.”
At the same time, what people say they want and what they actually choose are not always aligned. Welsh said attraction is often shaped long before someone even realises it.
“Attraction is not formed in a vacuum,” she said. “It is shaped by everything we have been repeatedly exposed to.”
She added that many people end up choosing partners based on those learned preferences rather than genuine compatibility.
“They chose someone they believed they should want, and then wondered why the intimacy felt flat or effortful.”
Murray said that it’s a contradiction that’s very visible amongst younger generations.
“There is growing frustration with dating platforms and what they prioritise. People are not using Tinder the same way anymore; they are logging off because they want real relationships,” she said.
“It is a return to seeking authenticity because of all the artificial notions of beauty and attraction that is living online.”
People are looking for authenticity
Authenticity, she said, has become more than a buzzword.
“They want somebody that is authentic, they want something real,” Murray said. “Authentic is one of the most used words by the younger generation, and they are deeply focused on spirituality.”
The difficulty is that authenticity is not something easily captured in a profile picture or a short biography, she added.
Welsh said that’s because the structure of dating apps reinforces a narrow idea of attraction.
“What the data consistently shows is that a relatively small percentage of profiles receive the vast majority of attention,” she said. “Compatibility, values, communication style, emotional availability, none of those is visible in a photo.”
But the segue to authenticity has not taken hold completely, yet.
Welsh said that the deeper need, for presence, for being truly known and chosen, often does not get a chance to surface until someone has already passed the aesthetic threshold.
“That’s the only time when what looks right and feels right will be pulling in the same direction,” she said.
