Katlego Sekhu
A listener shares that she and her husband have been together for almost five years. Between them they have six children, three hers and three his from a previous relationship. His children live with his mother and sisters in a crowded two-bedroom home. Their mother is unable to take them back, and conditions where they are are far from easy.
For years she has asked that his children come to live with them. He has refused, citing concern for his mother, worry about how the children would adjust, and the complexity of the influences already in their lives. She has come to accept his decision, painful as it is, and has chosen to respect it.
Now they have moved into their forever home and are planning to grow their family further.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know how to be present and spontaneous with her own children without guilt, and whether there is a blind spot she might be missing in how she is carrying this.
“Uncle T, my husband and I have been together for almost five years, and between us we have six children-three mine and three his from a previous relationship. His children live with his mother and sisters in a crowded two-bedroom house, where conditions are tough. Their mother is in a bad position; she can’t take them back.
“For years, l’ve asked that they come live with us, but he refuses. He says his mother has always raised them, and he doesn’t want to hurt her, and he worries about how they would adjust. He feels his children are influenced by many people (their mom and extended family), and he worries that adjusting them to a new household would be difficult. He contrasts this with my children, who have only known my rules and structure.
“I had come to accept that he doesn’t want us to raise them, and I’m choosing to respect that decision-even though it’s painful. Now we’ve moved into our forever home and are even planning to have more children, but l’m struggling with what everyday life looks like. How do I enjoy simple things with my children-like outings, small treats, or spontaneous moments-without making his other children feel excluded?
“I’ve formed a strong bond with all six kids, and they love each other too. That’s what makes this so difficult. I feel guilty creating memories with some while the others aren’t there. How do I make this work without depriving my children of the spontaneous moments that help us bond, while also being fair and sensitive to his children? What could be my blindspot here?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
The Blind Spot is brought to you by 180. Catch this gripping local thriller from 17 April only on Netflix.
Read Next: DJ Sumbody murder claims ‘false and reckless’, says family
The post ‘How do I enjoy moments with my children without making his feel excluded?’ – The Blind Spot appeared first on KAYA 959.
